Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
Randomize
