You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
Randomize
