NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
