Where did you get a picture of my penis
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
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