Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
Randomize