Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
