He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
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