I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
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