I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
This is the prime rib incident all over again
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize