So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
