i may or may not be watching the land before time
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
