maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
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