The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize
