ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
Randomize
