he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
Randomize
