I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize