Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
Randomize
