dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
Do you remember whose house we're in?
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
Randomize
