Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
Randomize
