I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
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