i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
Randomize