Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
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