youre lurking in front of me
I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
