Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
Randomize
