Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
Randomize
