I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
