Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
