We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
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