somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
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