SEEEEXXX PLEASE
You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Randomize