Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
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