Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
Randomize
