Pregnant stripper...not hot.
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
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