you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
