it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
Randomize
