Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
