This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
me + whiskey = a bad person
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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