If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
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