i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
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