that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
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