Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
Randomize
