I wish i was in the wii world.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
Randomize
