My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
Randomize
