i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
He's a Shit stain on my heart
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
He literally asked permission to hit on me
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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