Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Randomize
