whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
Randomize
