On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
just come out here and I will go home with you...
I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
Randomize
