Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
Randomize
