so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
Randomize
