I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
