Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
I could have mohawked her pubes.
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Randomize
