idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
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