I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
Randomize
