So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
Randomize
