ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
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