do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
Randomize
