There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
Randomize
