I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
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