wrigley field is MILF paradise
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
Randomize
