So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
my vag is so smooth its legendary
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
Randomize
