she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
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