if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
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