I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
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