Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
Randomize
