# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
I am naked and annoyed.
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
Randomize
