non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
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