Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
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