2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
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