I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
