he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
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