she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
Randomize
