I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
