Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
Randomize
