It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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