so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
Randomize
