I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
Randomize
