he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
love makes seman taste better
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
